A Foster Child is Coming to Stay with Us Today

by: Foster Parents of Westmoreland County, Virginia DSS

(The following is a scenario from our perspective on a typical "first day" foster care experience. We hope it gives you some insight into the feelings one may encounter).

The day begins normally. My husband is off to work at 6:30 a.m. I write some letters and do daily household chores. Then...

10:00 a.m. - The phone rings; it's a call from social services. They may have a child needing to be placed in foster care sometime today. The child is a little boy who is 5 years old. Is our home available? I ask for 30 minutes to consider. I call my husband at work; we talk briefly, and decide, yes, we will take this child. I hang up, still wondering; can we do this right now? And then I remember "can't" is a word I've tried to eliminate from my vocabulary as a foster parent.

10:20 a.m. - I call social services and leave word that we are available for this child and will wait to hear from them. Then I become scared and worried about how we will possibly be able to meet the needs of this child who is a stranger to us. Part of me is excited about the prospect of a possible opportunity to help a child, but another part of me is devastated for the child. At the age of 5, separation from his birth family will be traumatic.

10:45 a.m. - I try to stop worrying and focus on what is within my control to do at the moment. I go into our "foster children's room" and realize the bedspread is pink. I find one more appropriate for a little boy and the Garfield sheets. I change the bed, tidy the room, and then check the foster children's closet for clothing that might be needed. I go through the toy box and children's books to find age appropriate items. As I do this, I reflect nostalgically on items that were favorites of other children who have been in care with us.

11:30 a.m. - I check the cupboard for food supplies a 5-year old boy might enjoy. I realize a quick trip to the grocery store is in order. I get to the store and check the aisles for what I think he might like. Cereal is a must! But what kind? I opt for a variety pack. After selecting a number of food items, I also get some new crayons and a coloring book, and a toothbrush.

12:45 p.m. - I unload the car and check the answering machine. No messages yet about this little boy. I put everything away and then decide to bake cookies, probably as much to pass the time as anything else.

2:00 p.m. - The cookies are done, I try to think of what else I can do to prepare for this child and I realize I just need to be calm and go about my day. I'm now prepared to meet his immediate physical needs at least. But that's the easy part, the emotional needs are the tough part. I'm anxiously awaiting the phone call, but also hoping my husband will be home from work before the child arrives. He always does better than I at interaction with the children, whatever their age. They always seem drawn to him.

2:30 p.m. - I need to start dinner, but I stop and look through photo albums of other children who have been with us through foster care and re-read notes and cards we've received from them and their birth parents. I realize we made it through those placements with lots of support from social services, so somehow we will manage to help this child as well by providing him with a safe, secure, and loving home environment for as long as he needs it. I call my mom and tell her we may be having another child come to stay with us and ask her to pray for guidance for us.

4:00 p.m. - Dinner preparation is finally underway when the call from social services finally comes. The child will be coming. They are unsure of the time. I respond, "We will be here waiting."

5:30 p.m. - My husband is home and I'm grateful he will be here when the child arrives. We pick at our dinner and wonder what this experience will be like and if we will be able to adequately meet this child's needs. We talk about the "first day" with other children who have been with us and try to recollect how some of these children found a comfort level coming into our home for the first time. Some were drawn to the fish tank, others to our cat, and some to video games. We hope this child will find something to relate to until he is comfortable with us so he won't feel so very scared.

7:45 p.m. - There is the knock at the door we've been waiting for. In spite of our previous experiences, I'm still worried about not being able to meet the needs of this child. We go to the door and I am able to immediately stop thinking of how I feel and try to put my feet in the shoes of this child on our doorstep. He's at the home of total strangers. How overwhelmed he must be! How frightening an experience this is for him! I smile, remain calm and try not to look sad as I notice the grocery sack he carries clutched in his hand with what I assume are a few personal belongings. He walks hesitantly in and, thank heavens, our cat comes and does figure 8's around his legs! They seem to strike up an immediate friendship! They sit on the floor and play while my husband and I talk quietly with the social worker. She stays until he eventually begins to talk with us a little. He and my husband talk about Nintendo games and my husband convinces him to have something to eat. We try not to crowd him; we let him have his space. The social worker leaves and we are on our own with this very special little boy - he is so precious and innocent. We promise ourselves to do all we can.

10:00 p.m. - He is finally settled in bed after what must have been a lone and scary day to him. He misses his parents desperately. Hopefully, he can have a visit with them soon. We take the fact that he is talking to us as a positive sign. We try to get to sleep ourselves and pray for support and guidance with this child. We tell ourselves we will just take one day at a time but we know that sometimes it's an hour at a time or even a minute at a time, depending on the needs of the child. We sense this child's needs are great - we don't feel adequate to meet them - but with the support of the social services staff that we know we can always count on - we will find a way.

This article was originally printed in the Winter 1999 edition of the Anchor.